I’m 12 years old. I run into a Synagogue. I ask the Rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life… But, he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don’t understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me six hundred dollars for Hebrew lessons. I also went into a bar on St. Patrick’s Day, wasn’t wearing green, they made remarks, I turned Irish. My hair turned red. My nose turned up. I spoke about the Geat Potato Famine
Leonoard Zelig: it’s the worst. I hate the country. I hate the grass and mosquitos. I don’t like cooking. Your pancakes, I dump them in the garbage when you’re not looking. Your jokes, when you think you’re amusing, it’s long and pointless, there’s no end to them.